Who knew that a couple of pieces of plastic tubing, some plastic cones, an electric motor, and a couple of bottles can make an acceptable replacement for a baby? This is my breastpump, which as breastpumps go, is a top-of-the-line personal kit. Complete with a vacuum pressure between 50 and 250 mmhg, this model is supposed to be as close of a substitute for a baby as possible. With dual-action pumping, you're finished in half the time.
What the pump doesn't offer is a convenient way for escaping from a busy day at work for 15-30 minutes of uninterrupted pumping. I can see how this would be a problem for just about anyone, especially now that I'm doing it. I work at a pretty progressive company when it comes to families, so on campus we've got two luxurious lactation rooms, complete with rocking chairs and parenting magazines. They're super nice, but not super conveniently located. If you've got an office, it's possible to shut and lock your door and pump while working. This is the ideal situation, as there's no time lost walking and pumping. Since I have an office, I've been capitalizing on it. I sit there typing and working with my shirt pulled up and bottles balanced precariously on my knees. Periodically I glance at a picture of my little man and try to ignore the pheew-whump noise that happens about once a second.
At my company we've got an instant messenger service that allows us to talk to each other from our keyboards. It's super useful when askin questions of people while pumping. I had never really considered that this could backfire on me. Until today...
Me: Hey, I've got a question. Do you know if x is possible in situation y? (pheew-whump)
Coworker: Sure, you've just got to run testcase z to see that.
Me: Oh, located here? (pheew-whump)
Coworker: Yeah, just run it through the driver.
Me: That doesn't work for me. (pheew-whump)
...
Me: Hello? (pheew-whump)
Coworker: Where are you?
Me: In my office, why? (pheew-whump)
Coworker: I just came by to show you but your door is closed.
Me: Uh, right. (pheew-whump)
Coworker: This would be faster for me to just show you. Open the door.
Me: Uh, maybe in ten minutes. (pheew-whump)
Coworker: ?
Me: Nevermind. I've got it. (pheew-whump)
5 comments:
that's hilarious! you might look into the kind you can strap on, so you won't have to balance the bottles...of course they may be even pricier, huh?
They have a hands free bra for like $50...you may want to invest! Also, you could submit your blog to Milk Memos!
Too funny. Keep it up though. You are doing a great job with the whole nursing thing. I admire you so much. I love how the two ladies who have previously commented know so much about breast pump straps. So helpful to have girlfriends. Hope you know i am taking notes from you.
love, love, love it - you are absolutely hilarious - and should get paid for writing such stories
You are AWESOME!!! :) My mother-in-law would love this story. You're a trooper, Amanda! :)
Post a Comment